How to Win Friends and Influence People: Chapter 1

I recently picked up the old classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie at the library.  I thought that it would be good to read before I start my job since I will be interacting with all kinds of people in various roles.  I decided to blog about the book as I read to reflect on the book a little more.

Chapter 1: "If you want to gather honey, don't kick over the beehive"
Principle 1: Don't criticize, condemn, or complain

This chapter starts with a look at human nature.  We all like to believe that we are good people, and Carnegie explains that even career criminals like Al Capone believe that the things they do are well-intentioned.  Ultimately we do all that we can to preserve our pride, even if it means overlooking the mounds of evidence that show us that we have made a mistake.

Obviously because of this pride, we do not like to be criticized, especially in a way that ridicules us.  I can think of several times where I was publicly humiliated by someone.  Even if that person was correct in his criticism, the manner by which I was called out made me overlook my error and only feel resentment towards him.

Carnegie says, “Do you know someone you would like to change and regulate and improve?  Good!  I am all in favor of it.  But why not begin on yourself?  From a purely selfish standpoint, that is a lot more profitable than trying to improve others-yes, and a lot less dangerous.”

Withholding criticism is a challenge for me, especially with the people that I am closest to (my husband, family, and closest friends).  Most often, the things that I criticize others for are weaknesses of my own.  For example, I will criticize my husband for making a mess, but I am just as often making messes.

In the hospital I will be working with nursing and ancillary staff, my resident colleagues (in my own department and in other departments), and my attendings.  Under stress, it will be very easy to be critical of my coworkers.  It will be harder, but more productive, to be critical of myself and improve my own actions.

As I read this, I thought about giving feedback.  In many workplaces, giving and receiving feedback is an important tool used to improve the overall functions of the organization.  I will be receiving feedback from lots of different sources, and I will also be expected to give feedback.  How can I give useful feedback that is not critical?  I think that providing feedback about specific actions and expectations is helpful.  It is also important to set somebody up to succeed the next time if they have not met your expectations initially.

What do you think?  Do you have any advice for giving and/or receiving feedback?